Monday 3 September 2012

Cabinet reshuffle

This subject has dominated the news today, great, well better than the nonsense promoted by the Daily Mail. When pounded by a particular story/news item on a constant loop both on TV and the radio, I find that my attitude changes. For example, the recent tragedy in Dorset when a member of the public was crushed to death when a cliff collapsed first struck me as a terrible waste of life. Then as time progressed and coverage increased I started seeing other things, that's a nice beach, is that igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary rock, look a fossil, that kind of thing. It's the same with this cabinet reshuffle bollocks. Ok there are those who will find this appealing, political commentators, journalists, geeks, that type of individual, but beyond a passing interest I really couldn't give a shit. However, as the reports intensified I found myself thinking, get some proper replacements:


Prime minister: David Cameron, he can stay he's quite funny
Deputy prime minister: Nick Clegg, replaced by JedWard
Chancellor: George Osborne, replaced by Dev from Eastenders
Home secretary: Theresa May, Cheryl Cole, obviously
Foreign secretary: William Hague, The Duke of Edinburgh
Defence secretary: Liam Fox, Captain Price from Modern Warfare
Justice secretary: Kenneth Clarke, Jeffrey Archer
Health secretary: Andrew Lansley, Ronald MacDonald or the Ham Burgler
Education secretary: Michael Gove, Amy from TOWIE
Business secretary: Vincent Cable, Phil Mitchell
Chief secretary to the Treasury: David Laws, Mahmoud from Gosport Best Kebab
Work and pensions secretary: Iain Duncan Smith, That bearded shouty bloke who lives in the bus station, drinks Benylin and has that manky dog with mange and fleas
Energy and climate change secretary: Chris Huhne, The Duracell bunny
Local government secretary: Eric Pickles, Dave the Dominos pizza delivery bloke
Transport secretary: Philip Hammond, The Hairy bikers
Environment secretary: Caroline Spelman, A puffin
International development secretary: Andrew Mitchell, Mister Bean
Northern Ireland secretary: Owen Paterson, Alan Carr
Scotland secretary: Danny Alexander, Billy Connolly
Welsh secretary: Cheryl Gillan, Jeremy Kyle
Culture, Olympics, media and sport secretary: Jeremy Hunt, Dom Joly
Leader of the Lords: Lord Strathclyde, Ken Livingston
Minister without portfolio: Lady Warsi, Disco Stu from the Simpsons

The country would be a better place.

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