I have to get this off my chest. I honestly thought, before I arrived at a Center Parcs, that if Middle-Class was a virus then you would surely catch it at Center Parcs. I have now changed my mind, it is a great place to visit if you have kids BUT I have seen and heard those who are very keen to let everyone know that they are at a Center Parcs (on their mobiles) and look somewhat out of place. I am probably wrong but, hey-ho it's my blog and such my opinion!
I don't think that I am the sort of person who doesn't like being told what to do, ten years in the Royal Navy and Twenty years of marriage are testament to that fact. Instead, I believe that I am the sort of person who hates being told what NOT to do. This was evident today when I left early to search for a supermarket and purchase our weekly needs, food, alcohol and what-not, as the shop on-site at Center Parcs is pretty steep. In fact it's not only the shop but everything. I realise that there is a premium involved with convenience stores but when all said and done the fact that the accommodation prices are high at these woodland havens should at least ensure that the prices paid whilst on-site are kept competitively low, but no. Back to my original point, when I returned to the site all of the entrances to the roads were closed and padlocked shut. I even tried the 'staff only' roads and the 'emergency only' roads to no avail (how does a fire engine get on site if the rocket salad overheats and causes a the balsamic vinegar dressing to ignite?). Annoyed I flagged down a rather odd looking security guard:
'Excuse me mate!' I gruffly began.
She glowered, whoops. 'Yes.' A rather strained pause followed by a further strained, 'sir.'
'Er.' Shit, I forgot what I wanted, the butch guard rested a hand on my open window. 'We arrived very late last night and didn't have the chance to unload properly and I think...' my lie petered to an embarrassing, stuttering silence. She grimaced and pointed into the woods.
'Through the barrier, keep left and be quick.' The response was short, curt and the security guard immediately lost interest and wandered back to the awaiting line of arriving punters.
The barrier opened as I approached and I quickly deposited the 'luggage' before returning the car to a parking spot probably closer to Gosport than to Penrith. Mission accomplished.
I was now quite a long way from our lodge and in no mood to walk, so I hired a bike. Initially I contemplated 'borrowing' one but with so many witnesses I thought better of it. Returning to the hungry family they were more concerned with the fact I had a bike than the fact I had delivered a weeks worth of tasty treats. It didn't take long before we had two more bikes and the three kids were mobile, Emma and I trailed behind, our knees clacking like castanets.
After a quick circuit of the village, which is quite impressive, we returned to the lodge for the kids to pick up their swimming kit. We quickly returned to the main complex and Bill, Beth and Ed disappeared into the 'Tropical Swimming Paradise', Emma and I found a ubiquitous Starbucks and logged on to check mail. We realised that we had booked an activity for Beth in the early afternoon. Emma mused that Beth would not really enjoy balancing on the multitude of high-wires suspended above the Cumbrian woodland. We decided to find the kids and ask Beth if she wanted to cancel.
The central pool complex had no viewing area as such. We had to remove our footwear, exposing my talons, and trot through to the expansive, domed swimming complex. I eventually found Beth and, predictably she wished to cancel her dare-devil booking. No problem. We, faded into the background and retreated to the bar next door. After spending just under ten pounds for two pints, twice, we gave up waiting for the off chance that the kids would appear (I had told them where we would be) we set off in the search for lunch.
The French restaurant was reasonably empty so we found a table and ordered. The meal last night at the American style diner was amazing, all things considered (captive audience, quick turnaround, thousands of miles from the U.S.), so I looked forward to our order. Sausages enter the frame here. I had sliced, sautéed, Merguez sausages on a slice of garlic bread with dijon mustard and caramelised onions. I am once again looking forward to the French leg of my sausage sojourn.
The kids remained in the pool for over six hours. I joined them for the final couple of hours and returned with Ed. Beth and Bill stayed for a while. We had a disaster attempting to hire another bike, the centre was closed so we settled down for a quiet evening. Bill and Beth disagreed and set off to the village centre to see what was occurring. Emma, Ed and I sat and idly flicked through the nonsense on TV.
Emma discovered a fantastic new channel. Ok, not a real one, but a local CCTV feed from a badger set, a very unique Badger Watch. So far we have watched for over an hour and seen only a single badger. The monochrome, night-vision view of a small patch of largely unchanging woodland is far more interesting and entertaining than Cowell and his cronies. Love it!!
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